I have a little green moleskin full of thoughts I wrote down in new
york, some complete and other incomplete and frankly, confusing. Yet,
that was the best decision I ever made and I’m going to go off of them
as I’m writing this blog post. Let me just begin by saying that New York
was amazing, but also confusing, and also frantic, and also... magic.
Looking back, I had all sorts of expectations for the city, all sorts of
fantastical, flawless ideas about how it was and what it should feel
like, which was a bit of a mistake on my part, but also not. I wanted it
to feel like it felt when I went to Nashville, like home, like a safe
haven of sorts. The reality is that they’re right when they talk about
its gritty nature, and to be honest, it’s larger than life, which is a bit intimidating at first. At the core
of my fantasies, what I wanted the most out of New York, was a sense of
purpose and self-worth. I wanted to go to Fashion U, I wanted to go to
FIT, I wanted to roam the streets and affirm that being there is what I
wanted above all, to just reassure myself that I could be someone if I
just try hard enough. I wanted a reality check and not a glance inside a
rose-tinted window. In the end, I got just that. The reality check, I
mean.
The trip was very hot and cold, up and down to me. It wasn’t
like my friends had told me, or like bloggers recalled in their posts.
From the very moment I stepped inside that apartment, I knew it wasn’t
going to be easy, it was going to be stressful and difficult and busy
and crowded, but it was also going to be rewarding. I’ll always remember
it as the trip that changed my perspective, as romantic as that sounds.
I survived the busy streets, I survived the adventure. I got yelled at,
badly. I laughed with these wonderful girls at midnight and all other
times of the day. I got lost, multiple times. I got locked out, lost
something very important, forgot things, waited in line in the pouring
rain. Everything. My god, everything happened. I have stories of the
wildest sorts, maybe just for me?? But one day, I’ll look back and
remember what it felt like to think that I can’t ever belong, to feel so
isolated, despite the hoards of people around me, and then compare it
to the third day, to my next trip, to the rest of my life? Did you know,
I cried twice on my first day there. Once when I arrived and I couldn’t
convince myself to walk outside into the land of tall buildings and
crowds upon crowds of people. I was scared and alone, literally. The
second was at night, upon arriving at the apartment for the evening, my feet sore, my
socks damp. I collapsed onto the floor, a mess of tears and confusion
and loneliness. But I called my mom, I played the playlist, I talked to
old friends. And you know, I lived. I learned. I went two days without
getting lost after that.
And the buildings, they’re grandiose and
beautiful. They terrified me and then they amazed me. The antique brick,
the brightly-colored murals, the advertisements. All of it. It’s sloppy
and messy and structured and full of history. And the museums, they’re
something. Those are the safe havens within the city, at least for me. I
remember when I finally chanced upon the MoMA, after wandering for
three hours and I could have sat down, but never in the almost 4 hours I
spent there, did I ever rest. And I forgot my feet hurt, because it was
everything I had always wanted to know. There’s something about art
that makes my heart stir, that makes me feel like I should be fantastic at
something, that makes me want to embrace everyone who has ever even
uttered a word to me. When I live in New York, I will get a membership there.
And the Met, I went there with my old friend Hillary. I’ve known her on
tumblr since I was 13 -- 6 years ago. And we finally met for the first
time and we took a polaroid selfie, my first one ever. But the museum
was beautiful. All these pieces that I remember learning about in my art
history class were there and I felt... accomplished. I don’t know why.
My favorite was the Lamasu. In fact, I went around showing everyone the
pictures I took of the Lamasu after that because one of my favorite
units in art history was the Assyrian unit and it’s just exciting, you
know? And I fell in love with Soho that evening. I fell in love with
Lexington avenue first and then Soho, because it felt like what I thought New
York would be like and for a moment I felt sure because I knew that even
if all of New York wasn’t how I imagined and I never quite figured out
which direction I was walking in, I was right about something.
And
I’ll have you know, I’m not as forgetful as everyone decided. Which
brings me to the last thing I wanted to talk about. Fashion U. If you
were ever on the fence about applying to Fashion U or accepting, just go, I promise it’s a good idea. I swear it. I mean, I know a lot of
the friends I met there were saying there was less swag this year, but I
still feel like I learned. But more than that, it was inspiring to sit
there and listen to these people who tentatively entered the industry
only to come out these exemplary leaders. Nobody starts off perfectly,
nobody goes in being flawless at everything, but with hard work and
practice and years, they made it. I know I can too. i just have to make
my way to New York, and I will. I’m working on it. I feel like I should
go into detail, but I don’t want to be boring either, in case you don’t
really care. I don’t know.
On Friday, there was an event at
Express. It was so serendipitous how I ended up in line right before my
friend Caitlin from the facebook group. Either way we would have met up
at the event, but fatefully so we ended up meeting at the start. The
event in itself was exciting. I made it a point to try every kind of
food or drink they had even if I thought I would hate it, and I did. The
weirdest thing was the creamed apple, which tasted like brie and had
the consistency of pudding. The tiny hamburger was a close second. The
best was the hibiscus mocktail and the fancy oreos. And we got these
lovely little metallic tattoo bracelets, which took three showers to
erase and even then, my wrist was still slightly sparkly. The music was
the best though! Chelsea Leyland was the dj, which was something I was
excited about. She really is that flawless at her job.
On Saturday, we
had classes at the Conde Nast building, which is at One World Trade
Center. It was also raining like mad when we woke up and it continued
throughout the rain. Would it be weird if I tell you I think New York is
more beautiful when it’s raining? When we got there, the line was huge
and they gave us our credentials and the schedule sticker. We also got
our swag bags in the first class. I loved that one of my roommates,
Betty, and Caitlin were in Group B Fashion/Styling Major with me, cause
things are always better with friends. And it felt easier to go back and
grab that amazing Cinderella chocolate over and over again since I
wasn’t alone haha. No really, I ate so much of that. And they had a
gorgeous black gown by Zac Posen next to it and the glass slippers from
the Cinderella movie as well.
As for my favorite speaker, it was Jens
Grede from Frame Denim, and there’s no question about that. I feel like
he offered the most advice and really went into detail. My second
favorite would be Rebecca Minkoff and then the Editors panel. Oh and I
got a tour of the Edit floor! That was amazing! It’s so brightly lit and
you can just tell that everyone there is a creative genius. They let us
go into the fashion closet as well, and you should just see the sea of
shoes they have and racks upon racks of beautiful clothing. It’s unreal.
And the other girls at the tour were such sweethearts. I loved getting
to meet people at Fashion U, that was one of my favorite things. I love
that nobody was pretentious or snobby. Everyone was just dedicated and
trying to figure out how to get there, it’s nice to feel understood.
Also, can I just say how much I love Andrew Bevan. I mean I love his
articles in Teen Vogue, but he was so great at interviewing Rebecca
Minkoff and Zac Posen and I feel like if it had been anyone else
interviewing them it would have been less interesting. All of this took
place is the 63rd, 64th, and 34th floors of the building by the way. On
Saturday, we came in and listened to Zac Posen, which was so cool
because we got to learn a little about dress construction. Then we were
given our diplomas and sadly, Teen Vogue Fashion U was over.
I
could go on and on about Teen Vogue and New York to be honest, but I feel like this
post is a novel already. If you have any questions though, or if you
want to know about my application, please email me and I’ll tell you
more. Or text me. whatever works. And I’m sorry it took me so long to
get back to blogging. I went from freezing New York to warm and sunny
Utah and as a result, caught a really bad cold. It’s been a struggle!
Thanks for your patience and thank you for reading.
